Bancurile de luni dimineata part XVI/Monday morning jokes part. XVI

Atentie, postare in limba romana si engleza

Warning, post in romanian and english

Trei betivani stateau intr-un bar dintr-o gara.Trenul suna de plecare.Unul din ei zice:
-Mai avem timp de un rind.
Mai comanda ei un rind si pina sa-si dea seama, trenul porneste.Cei trei fug dupa el.Primul se agata,il ajuta si pe al doilea sa se urce.Al treilea se opreste,isi trage rasuflarea si incepe sa rida in hohote.Un om care trecea pe acolo il intreaba:
-De ce rizi omule!Urmatorul tren e abia la 4.
La care omul raspunde:
-De fapt cei doi au venit sa ma conduca la gara!

Un om trece pe langa un betiv si il intreaba:
-De ce bei mai, omule?
-Ca sa-mi inec amarul.
-Si,l-ai inecat?
-Nu, ca al dracului stie sa inoate!!

Un betiv intr-un bar.......
-Doua beri...va rog !!!! La care barmanu .........:
-DA vad ca sunteti singur ............de ce doua?
-Pai una o beau pt mine si una pt prietenul meu din USA
A doua zi iarasi betivul.......
-Doua beri...va rog !!
I se aduc berile........Le bea
A treia zis betivul comanada:
-O bere va rog.........!!
-Pai nu mai beti doua ......ca de obicei?
-NU .....Beau numai pt prietenul meu din USA ca eu m-am lasat de baut......

- Nu po's'nteleg d'e ce am fost adus la pol .. politie ! exclama un betiv , plin de indignare !
- Pentru bautura ! ii raspunde ofiterul de serviciu.
- Pai, de ce nu zici asa ? Adu-mi un coniac !

O femeie mergea pe strada si observa un batranel care statea pe un scaun in fata casei.
-Ma scuzati, nu am putut sa nu observ ce fericit aratati, care este secretul dv. pentru o viata lunga si fericita?
-Fumez trei pachete de tigari pe zi, beau sase sticle de whiskey pe saptamana, mananc numai mancaruri cu multa grasime si nu fac niciodata sport.
-Nemaipomenit, dar cati ani aveti?
-Douazeci si sase.

Cica erau trei tipi rupti de beti la o masa,povesteau ei.
-Ba, io-s trimisul lui Dumnezeu pe pamint!!!
La care altul:
-Taci ma, ca io-s trimisul lui Dumnezeu pe pamint!
La care cel de-al treilea zice:
-TACETI BA CA N-AM TRIMIS PE NIMENI!!!

Un betiv merge pe strada. Se intalneste cu o doamna cu un carucior:
-O, Doamne, iar vad dublu.
-Nu, domnule, sunt gemeni.
-Toti patru?

O tipa rupta de beata intra intr-un bar, se duce la o masa si ii spune chelnerului
-Celnar,ada-mi un visichi ca ma arde ceptul!
Chelnerul o ignora si isi cauta de lucru la alta masa. Indignata, tipa repeta comanda:
-Celnar, ada-mi un visichi ca ma arde ceptul!
Chelnerul o ignora din nou, tipa repeta comanda, cand, super nervos,un alt client o apostrofeaza:
-Cucoana, in primul rand nu se spune "celnar", ci chelner, in al doilea rand nu se spune "visichi", ci whisky, si in al treilea rand scoate-ti tata din scrumiera ca de aia te arde "ceptul"!

Doi betivi plinbandu-se pe marginea unui lac vad un om innecat.
-Vezi ba daca a baut apa?

Un individ vine dimineata pe la 5 acasa. Intra tiptil in camera unde dormea sotia si da sa-si scoata pantalonii.

- Betivule, iar vii la ora asta acasa?
- Nu draga, zice omu' tragandu-si pantalonii la loc, acuma plec.

Un betiv la un bar comanda primul pahar.Apoi al doilea, al treilea...la al cinspelea se hotareste sa se opreasca. Cand se ridica de pe scaun sa plece cade pe jos.
-Drace, ce m-am imbatat! Ma tarasc pana in strada, dupa care ma ridic si ..
Ajunge la usa, vrea sa se ridice si iar cade.
-Ptiu, hai ca ma tarasc pana acasa, acolo ma ridic si intru in pat. Ajunge la usa vrea sa se ridice si cade. Nervos se taraste in pat, se pune langa nevasta-sa si se bucura ca aceasta nu-l auzise.
A doua zi scandal monstru.
- Betivule, te-ai imbatat de ai uitat de tine!!!
-De unde stii?
-M-au sunat cei de la bar si mi-au spus ca ti-ai uitat iar scaunul cu rotile.

Un infractor este interogat la politie:
-Spune domn'e, ce-ai facut!
-Păi, am furat o cisternă cu vin...
-Si...
-Jumătate-am băut-o..
-Si cu cealaltă jumătate ce-ai făcut?
-Păi, am vandut-o!..
-Si ce-ai făcut cu banii?
-I-am băut!

Leul iese dimineata nervos din casa si da cu ochii de vulpe:
- Cine e regele animalelor?
- Tu, tu, tu esti, maria- ta, zice vulpea infricosata.
Mai merge si da peste lup:
- Ia zi, cine e regele animalelor?
- Maria-ta, zice lupul galben de frica.
Mai merge el si intr-o poiana da peste elefant, care manca linistit niste iarba:
- Ia zi, ma, umflatule, cine e regele animalelor?
Elefantul il prinde cu trompa dupa cap, il izbeste de vreo 3 copaci si-l lasa lat in mijlocul drumului.
Dupa vreo jumatate de ora, leul se ridica anevoie de jos:
- Ei, daca nu stii, nu stii si gata, nu trebuie sa devii violent!

Frizerul il intreaba pe client :
- Cum sa va tund ca sa fiti multumit ?
- Gratis !

Un tip merge la incorporare in marina. In timp ce i se completau actele, este intrebat:
- Stiti sa inotati?
- Da ce, nu aveti vapoare?

Un angajat intra in biroul sefului, smulge cablul telefonic din perete, ii arunca hartiile pe jos, ii toarna cafeaua pe cap si da sa-l bata. Colegii din birou striga:
- Opreste-te, Fanele, noi am glumit, nu ai castigat la loto

- De ce cotcodaceste gaina cand se oua?
- E bucuroasă ca nu a ramas insarcinata.

O baba merge pe calea ferata. Din spate vine un tren 'fluierand'. Ce credeti ca zice baba?
- Fetele cuminti nu intorc capul dupa vagabonzi?'

I:Ce are 1000 de picioare si IQ=10?
R:O coloana de blonde.

Unui tip, dupa ce este analizat de doctor, i se spune ca nu mai are mult de trait. Fara nici o speranta, il intreaba pe doctor
cat mai are de trait.
- 10, spune doctorul.
- Zece ce ? intreaba pacientul. Zece ani, luni, zile ?
- 9, 8, 7... continua doctorul.

- Domnule doctor, va rog sa ma ajutati in legatura cu sotul meu...
- Dar ce anume il supara ?
- Nu-l supara nimic deosebit, dar ii plac ciorapii de dama...
- Bine, doamna, dar asta nu e ceva deosebit... sint multi carora le plac...
- Da, dar lui ii plac ciorapii de dama...
- V-am mai spus, doamna, ca nu e nimic... Si mie imi plac...
- Simpli sau cu mustar ?

- Domne de ce costa un kilogram de creier de savant 120.000 lei si unul de creier de politist 320.000 lei ?
- Dumneata ai idee cati politisti a trebuit sa taiem ca sa strangem un kilogram de creier ?

ENGLISH

Three drunkards were sitting in a bar in a train station. The train whistle for leaving . One of them says :
- We got time for one turn.
They order another row and they realize the train is leaving .The three run after it. The first one catch it and climb aboard, also he helps the second one to climb. The third one stops , draws its breath and began to laugh out loud . A man passing by asks :
Why are you laughing man, the next train is in about 4 hours .
To man replies:
- In fact the two have come to drive me to the station !

A man walks near a drunk and asks him :
Why do you drink so much?
- To drown my sorrows .
- And you drowned ?
-No, meanwhile they learned to swim !

A drunk in a bar .......
- Two beers ... please ! ! The bartender ......... :
- But I see you are alone ............ why two ?
- Well one drink for me and one for my friend who is in USA
The next day same storry.......
- Two beers ... please !
He gets the beers and drink them ........
Third day the drunk ordered :
A beer please ......... !
- But you usual get two?
- Today I drink only for in the U.S. because I've stopped drinking ......

- I can t understand why was I brought to the pole .. Police station! exclaimed a drunk , full of indignation !
- For drinking ! responds, the officer in charge .
- Well , why didn t  you say so ? Bring me the brandy !

A woman was walking down the street and see an old man sitting on a chair in front of the house .
Excuse me , I could not help noticing how happy you look , which is your secret to a long and happy life ?
- I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day , drink six bottles of whiskey a week, eat only foods with fat and never do sport.
- Awesome , but how old are you ?
- Twenty-six .

Once there were three drunk guys in a bar at a table:.
- First one: I am the Messenger of God on earth !
The second one:
-Shut up, I am the messenger of God on earth !
To which the third says :
- Shut up you fools I haven t send anyone !

A drunk walking down the street . He meets a lady with a go-cart :
- O Lord, now I see double .
- No, sir, they are twins.
- All four of them?

Two drunk walking near a lake  see a man drowned .
- See what happens if you drinking water?

A man comes home around 5 am . Login tiptoed into the room where his wife slept and trys to remove his pants .
- At this hour you come home, you asshole?
- Not dear , 'says the man pulling his pants back on, now I am leaving.

A drunk man in a bar ordering is firs drink, then , the second, the third ... up to the 15^th and he decides to stop. When he rose from his chair to leave falls down .
- Damn, I am drunk ! I crawl up in the street, then get up and ..
Reach the door and wants to rise and fall down again.
- Damn , come home to crawl up there get up and go to bed. Reach the door wants to rise and falls. Nervous crawls into bed , next to his wife and he is happy that she didn t hear him .
The next day scandal .
- You asshole you were to the barr last night and get drunk !
How do you know ?
- I got a call from the bar and told me that you forgot your wheelchair there.

An offender is questioned at the police :
Tell me , what you did you do!
- Well , I stole a tank of wine ...
- And ...
- I drank half ..
- And what you did you do with the other half ?
- Well, I sold it ! ..
- And what did you do with the money?
- I drank !

The lion get s out from his house very  nervous in the morning and meets thge fox :
- Who is the king of beasts ?
- You, you , you're , your haines , says the fox frightened .
He continues his walk and meets the wolf:
- Tell me, who's the king of beasts ?
- You, you , you're , your haines , says the wolf frightened.
He keeps walking and in a meadow come across elephant who was eating some grass
- Tell me, fat boy , who is the king of beasts ?
Elephant trunk catches him by the head, slams him for about three trees and leaves him wide in the middle of the road .
After about half an hour, the lion stood grievous below:
- Well, if you do not know , and you do not know about , you should not become violent!

The barber asks the client :
- How to mow to be satisfied ?
- Free!

A guy goes to the incorporation in the navy. While paperwork he is asked :
- Can you swim ?
- Why, you don t have ships ?

An employee enters the office boss , rip the phone cord out of the wall , throwing papers on the floor,  poured coffee on his head and starts beating him. His colleagues in office shouting
- Stop, John , we joked , you didn t won the lottery


An old woman goes by rail . From behind comes a train ' whistling ' .

- What do you think the old lady says ?
- Well mannered girls don t turn their heads on people whistle after them ? "

Q: What has 1000 legs and IQ = 10 ?
A: A blonde column .

A guy , after being examined by a doctor is said that he doesen t have match time to lie. Without hope , he asks the doctor how much?.
- 10 says the doctor.
- Ten what? asks the patient . Ten years, months, days ?
- 9, 8 , 7 ​​... continued the doctor.

- Doctor , please help me with my husband ...
- But what is upseting him ?
- Nothing much, but he likes women socks ...
- Well , ma'am, but there's nothing out of the ordinary ... there are many people who like that...
- Yes, but he likes women's stockings ...
- As I said , ma'am, there's nothing out of the ordinary... I like them too...
- Simple or with mustard ?

- sir, please tell me why a pound of brain scientist cost £ 120,000 and a pound of brain  from a policeman cost £ 320,000?
- 'Do you have any idea how many policeman we have to cut to get a pound of brain?

 

Gradina Botanica Vasile Fati – Jibou/ Botanical Garden Vasile Fati - Jibou

Atentie - postare in limba romana si engleza

Warning . post in romanian and english

         În aceasta zi continuii seria de prezentare a locurilor frumoase din Romania, si in acest sens m-am oprit asupra Gradinii Botanice Vasile Fati din localitatea Jibou, jud. Salaj.

         Modalitatile de ajungere sunt limitate la cele terestre, respectiv cu masina sau cu trenul. Pentru cei care vor sa ramana peste noapte se pot gasi in zona si citeva pensiuni care ofera conditii decente de cazare.

        Gradina Botanica Vasile Fati a fost înființată în anul 1968 din inițiativa profesorului al cărui nume il poarta. Fiind situată în partea de nord-est a oraşului Jibou,in parcul castelului Wesselényi, ocupă o   suprafața de 24 ha.

      Din punct de vedere administrativ este organizată pe sectoare, fiecare dintre acestea grupează plantele dintr-un anumit punct de vedere, un complex de sere colecţionare, de microproducţie şi cercetare, un acvariu, un parc zoo precum o frumoasă şi modernă grădină japoneză. Mai multe detalii puteti gasi aici: web-page

În ceea ce ma priveste nu o sa ma apuc eu sa va povestesc eu despre ce specii de plante contine, ceea ce stiu de la administrator este ca este pe locul 2 sau 3 in Europa la acest capitol. De asemenea cuvintele mi se par cam sarace in a exprima frumusetea locului, asa ca mai bine va las citeva poze ca sa vedeti despre ce este vorba.

          Acestea fiind zise va multumesc pentru atentia acordata si sper ca in planurile voastre de viitor sa includeti si o vizita la Gradina Botanica Vasile Fati.  

                                                        ENGLISH

Today I continu the series presenting some of the beautiful places in Romania , and in doing so I stopped at the Botanical Garden Vasile Fati located in the town Jibou, Salaj County .

The possibilities to reach the botanical garden are limited to the terrestrial one, by car or train. For those who want to stay overnight on location can be found a few hostels that offer decent accommodation .

Vasile Fati Botanical Garden was established in 1968 at the initiative of the teacher whose name it bears. Being located in the north -east section Jibou Wesselényis castle park occupies an area of ​​24 ha .

From the administrative point of view is organized into sectors , each grouping plants from a certain point of view, a complex of greenhouses collectibles, micro and research facilittys, an aquarium, a small zoo and a beautiful and modern Japanese garden . More details can be found here : web-page

As far as I'm concerned I'm not the best person to start teling you  what species of plants contain, what I know from the care taker is that the garden is on the  2 or 3 in Europe judging by the numer os species hosted here . The words seem pretty poor to express the beauty of the place, so I better leave you some pictures to see what it is .

All that beeing said, thank you for your attention and I hope that n the future you plan to include a visit to the Botanical Garden Vasile Fati .

 

 

Bancurile de luni dimineata part. XV/Monday morning jokes – part. XV

Atentie, postare in limba romana si engleza

Warning, post in romanian and english

O doamna doreste sa cumpere un papagal si la piata se adreseaza unui vinzator in acest scop:

- Puteti sa-mi vindeti vreun papagal?

- Bineinteles! Va pot oferi acest papagal la pretul de 800.000 lei.

- Oh! Este prea mult! Ceva pentru buzunarul meu nu aveti?

- Va pot oferi acest papagal la pretul de 150.000 lei, dar trebuie sa va atentionez ca a fost la un bordel si vorbeste numai prostii! Femeia se gindeste ca il va dezvata de acest viciu si-l cumpara. Il duce acasa si-l pune in colivie. Ajuns aici, papagalul incepe sa vorbeasca:

- Meserie! Casa noua, matroana noua, e tare aici! Vin fetele de la scoala. Papagalul:

- Meserie! Casa noua, matroana noua, fetite noi, e tare aici! Seara vine sotul. Papagalul:

- Meserie! Casa noua, matroana noua, fetite noi... cunostinte vechi... salut, Vasile!

Trei prietene isi povesteau ce au primit de la Mos Craciun:

- Eu am primit o pereche de ciorapi plasa si o cutie de bomboane fine de ciocolata!

- Eu am primit o lenjerie de dantela superba si o ciocolata mare cu alune! A treia spuse fericita:

- Eu nu am primit nimic, dar a ramas pana dimineata.

La ginecolog o blonda se dezbraca dupa paravan.

- Domnule doctor, sunt gata ! M-am dezbracat de toate. Unde sa-mi pun hainele?

- Aici, peste ale mele.

O blonda vrea permis de conducere si merge la control la oftalmolog:

-Ce litera este asta?

Tace.

-Ce litera este asta?

Tace.

-Dumneavoastra stati prost cu vederea…

-Cu vederea stau bine. Pur si simplu nu-mi amintesc!

Bula in prima zi de armata...

Un plutonier trece prin fata randului de soldati si intreaba:

− Ce-ai fost in viata civila, soldat?!?

Unul brutar, altul macelar, altul electrician, fiecare dupa pregatire...

Ajunge si la Bula:

− Ce-ai fost in viata civila?!?

− Am fost fericit, sa traiti!

De ziua soacrei, Bula se prezinta cu un pachetel intr-o mina si cu o pusca in cealalta.

- La multi ani, mama soacra! Ti-am adus o pereche de cercei de aur.

- Multumesc, ginerica. Da' cu pusca ce vrei sa faci?

- Pai de gauri in urechi nu ai nevoie?

O sotie merge la statia de politie din vecinatate sa reclame ca i-a disparut sotul. Politistul cere o descriere:

- Are 35 de ani, 1, 90 m, ochi negri adinci, par negru ondulat, o constitutie atletica, vorbeste frumos si este bun cu copiii...

- Dar, doamna, sotul dv. are 1,60 m, este scund, chel, gras, are o gura spurcata si este rau cu copiii...

- Stiu, dar cine l-ar vrea pe ala inapoi?

Un barbat suna la salvare:

- Sotia mea naste. Ce trebuie sa fac?

- Scuzati, asta e primul ei copil?

- Nu cretinule, asta este sotul ei!

La postul comunal de jandarmi se prezinta un individ cu aripa masinii infundata.

- Domnule plutonier, aveti vaci negre in satul acesta?

- Din cite stiu eu, nu.

- Dar capre negre?

- Nu, nu cred.

- Cai negri?

- Nu. De ce intrebati?

- Inseamna ca am lovit un popa.

Tatal lui Bula e chemat la scoala, unde profesorul se plange ca Bula e un lenes. Voind sa auda si versiunea copilului, tatal se duce acasa si il intreaba:

- Bula, cine e cel mai lenes la scoala?

- Nu stiu, tati!

- Ei nu stii! Cand toti copiii scriu si rezolva exercitii, cine sta si se uita?

- Profesorul!

Doi amici, la un pahar:

- Eu nu cred in povestile astea cu extraterestri… Ce, tu ai vazut vreodata vreo farfurie zburatoare? zice unul.

- Eu prevad ca am sa vad chiar in seara asta vreo cateva, dupa ce ajung acasa… Doar sunt om insurat.

Domnule, eu am cumpărat de la dvs acest cascaval ieri..

- Da, şi care e problema?

- Aţi spus că e elveţian.

- Da.

- Am o întrebare: el de acolo a fost importat sau deportat?

În restaurant, după o lungă aşteptare, clientul întreabă:

- Nu vă supăraţi, chelnerul care mi-a luat comanda mai lucrează la dumneavoastră?

Un algerian cu o barbã mare este asezat alãturi de un francez foarte occidental într-un avion Paris-Alger.

Dupã decolare, stewardesa începe sã serveascã bauturi pasagerilor.

Francezul cere o cupã de sampanie.

Dupã ce l-a servit, stewardesa îl întreabã pe musulman dacã vrea si el una.

Rãspunsul acestuia, foarte ofensat :

- Prefer sa fiu rãpit si violat cu sãlbãticie de zece prostituate de la Babilon decât sã las o singurã picaturã de alcool sã atingã buzele mele !

Francezul, înecându-se, dã repede înapoi cupa lui de sampanie stewardesei, spunându-i :

- Si eu prefer, nu stiam cã se poate alege !

Intr-un cimitir, lîngă un loc de veci, un tip întreabă pe un altul.

- Soţia?

- Nu, soacra.

- Şi mai bine…

La un arabete suna telefonul:

-Alo!

-Nu! Ali!

Vine fiica-mea de 18 ani acasa bucuroasa si-mi zice:

- Uraaa! Am trecut testul de conducere!

- Minunat! i-am raspuns. Pe unde te-a dus?

- Mai intai la o bautura in club, apoi in fabrica aia parasita de la marginea orasului...raspunse ea.

Atacul de Cord şi Comoţia Cerebrală stau de vorbă pe zidul cimitirului.

Un moş trece prin apropiere. Atacul de Cord zice:

- Ăsta-i al meu!

Atacul de Cord pocneşte din degete, moşul face un infarct şi moare. După un timp, prin zonă trece o blondă.

Comoţia Cerebrală zice:

- Asta-i a mea!

Şi pocneşte din degete, şi pocneşte, şi pocneşte, şi pocneşte …

Nevasta catre sot:

- Tu nu imi spui niciodata ca ma iubesti.

- Ti-am spus o data. Daca e vreo schimbare, te anunt.

Dacă nu înjuri când conduci, înseamnă că nu eşti atent la drum...

Când soţia tace mult timp înseamnă că are foarte multe de spus.

Orice sistem rigid sfarseste prin dictatura. Orice sistem relaxat

sfarseste prin haos.

Cand esti mort, nu stii asta, dar ii afecteaza pe ceilalti. La fel si

cand esti prost.

ENGLISH

A lady wants to buy a parrot, enters in a pet-shop asks the seller:
- I would like to buy a parrot ?
- Of course ! I can offer this parrot for the priced of  $ 800,000 .
- Oh! It's too much ! Something less expensive don t you have ?
- I can sell you this parrot for priced of $ 150,000 , but I have to warn you that it was raise in a brothel and talks ugly words !

The woman thinks he would wean of it s vocabulary and buy it. She went home  and put the parrot it in the cage. Once there , the parrot begins to speak :
- Cool ! New house , new madam , is cool here ! The girls come home from  school. Parrot :
- Cool ! New house , new madam , new girls, is cool here ! In the evening her husband comes home. Parrot :
- Cool ! New house , new madam , new girls ... old acquaintance, ... hello, John !

Three blonds were talking about what they  received from Santa :
- I received a pair of fishnet stockings and a box of fine chocolate!
- I got a gorgeous lace lingerie and a big chocolate peanut !

A third said happily :
- I have not received anything , but he remained until morning.

At a gynecologist office, a blonde is undressing behind the courtin .
- Doctor , I'm ready ! I am naked . Where should I  put my clothes?
- Here , next to mine.

A Blonde wants to get her driving license and goes to an eye control:
-What letter is this?
Silent.
-What letter is this?
Silent.
- You sit badly with view ...
- My eyesight is ok . I just do not remember the letter!

John on his first day in the army ...
A sergeant passes in front of the row of soldiers and asks:
- What were in civilian life , soldier ! ?
One baker, another butcher , another electrician , after training each ...
Reach and John :
- What were in civilian life ! ?
- I was happy sir !

Mother in law birthday , John presents himself with a package in one hand and a rifle in the other.
- Happy birthday , mother in-law ! I brought a pair of gold earrings .
- Thanks, John . But what do you want to do with the shot-gun?
- Don t you need holes in your ears ?

A wife goes to the nearby police station complaining that her husband has disappeared . The officer asks a description :
- He's 35 years old, 1, 90 m tall, deep black eyes , curly black hair, very athletic, talk nicely and is good with kids ...
- But , ma'am, your husband is 1,60 m tall, is short, bald, fat, has a potty mouth and is bad with kids ...
- I know , but who would want that guy back ?

A man calling 911 :
- My wife is giving birth. What should I do ?
- Sorry , this is her first child ?
- No moron , this is her husband !

In a village police office enters a driver with his car wing clogged .
- Sir sergeant , do you have black cows in this village ?
- As far as I know, no .
- But black goats ?
- No, not really .
- Black horse ?
- No. Why?
- It means that I hit a priest .

John 's father is called to the school , where the teacher complains that he's a lazy kid . Wanting to hear the child version , the father goes home and asks :
- John , who is the laziest one in school?
- I do not know , Daddy !
- How come you do not know! When all the children write and solve exercises, who sits and watches ?
- The teacher !

Two friends, having a beer :
- I do not believe in these alien stories ... Did you have seen a flying saucer ? says one .
- I predict that I will see a couple tonight after I get home ... I'm a married man .

Sir, I have purchased from you this cheese yesterday ..
- Yeah, what 's the problem?
- You said it's Swiss .
- Yes .
- I have a question : from there it was imported or deported ?

At a restaurant, after a long wait , the client asks
- Excuse me, the waiter that took my order is still working here ?

An Algerian with a large beard is sitting next to a Frenchman in a plane fling on the route Paris-Algiers.
After takeoff, the flight attendant began to serve drinks to passengers.
Frenchman required a glass of champagne .
Once served, the stewardess asks ithe muslim f he wants one .
This one answer  very offended :
- I'd rather be kidnapped and brutally raped ten prostitutes from Babylon than to let a single drop of alcohol touch my lips !
The frenchman , drowning , quickly give back the cup of champagne to the  flight attendant , saying:
- I did not that you have such an option. I would like the same as my colleague  !

In a cemetery , near a grave, a guy asks another.
- Wife ?
- No, my mother in law .
- Even better ...

A phone rings at an arab house  :
- Allo !
- No! Ali !

My 18 years old daughter comes home happy and say s :
- Hooray ! I passed the driving test !
- Wonderful ! I replied . Where have you gone?
- First a drink in the club, then that abandoned factory on the outskirts ... she replied .

The heart attack and concussion talk on the cemetery wall .
An old man passes by . Heart attack says :
- That's mine!
The hart attack snaps fingers, and old man has a heart attack and dies. After a while , in the area passes a blonde .
Concussion says :
- That's mine!
And snaps fingers and snaps and snaps, and snaps ...

Wife to husband :
- You never tell me that you love me.
- I told you once . If there's a change, I ll let you know.

If you don t swear what you drive , it means that you are not watching the road ...

When your wife is silenced for a long time, it means she has a lot to say .

When you're dead, you do not know this, but it affects the others. Same
thing if you are stupid.

 

Gdansk/Danzig

Gdansk - destinatie de vacanta

Danzig - holiday destination

Atentie postare in limba romana si engleza

Warning, post in romanian and english

          In august 2012 cind m-am intors din Suedia m-am gindit sa ma opresc pentru o jumatate de zi si in Polonia, la Gdansk. Gindul l-am avut pentru ca trecerea de la civilizatia din nord la plaiurile noarte mioritice sa nu fie chiar asa de brusc. Ulterior la momentul ajungerii in oras am constat ca ideea a fost una destul de buna.

          Un pic de istorie nu strica asa ca: Gdańsk este un municipiu în partea de nord a Poloniei, reședința voievodatului Pomerania și unul dintre cele mai mari porturi ale țării. Face parte din zona urbană Gdańsk și din Trioraș. Din punct de vedere etnografic, este considerat ca o capitală a Cașubiei. Orașul se află pe lânga coastei sudice a Golfului Gdańsk, o parte a Mării Baltice, la estuarele fluviului Vistula și ale râurilor din delta ei, Motława și Leniwka și formează o conurbație cu municipiile Sopot și Gdynia și cu comunele suburbane, Prima atesteare istorica dateaza din anul 997  Municipiul este cunoscut datorită nașterii mișcari politice „Solidaritatea”, care sub conducerea unuia dintre locuitorii orașului, Lech Wałęsa, a fost una dintre cauzele căderii comunismului în Europa Centrală și de Est în 1989..

          Gata cu partea de istorie sa trecem la lucruri mai importante. Am ajuns la Gdansk in jur de ora 13.00 cind ferry-boat-ul a acostat in port. Am avut parte de o zi foarte frumoasa pina la acel moment. Cazarea am rezolvat-o relativ repede, deoarece la plecarea din Stockholm mi-am stabilit pe GPS citeva adresa de pensiuni in care as fi putut sa intoptez. La prima pensiune nu prea am avut noroc, pentru ca nu a binevoit nimeni sa fie la receptie, dar la a doua a mers la fix. Am primit apartamentul la pret de camera dubla normala.Singura problema era ca broasca de la usa mergea un pic mai greu, acesta fiind si motivul reducerii de pret.

          Dupa ce m-am instalat si am mincat ceva am luat-o la pas prin centru istoric al orasului. Pot spune ca ceea ce am vazut mi-a placut. Un orasel mic, cochet care isi pastreaza istoria la loc de mare cinste si din care comunismul nu a facut prea multe pagube. In primul rind am ramas placut impresionat de curatenia de pe strazi, chiar daca am nimerit in plina sarbatoare a orasului strazile erau lipsite de uzuazele chistoace de tigari, ambalaje de plastic si alte asemenea.

          Un alt lucru care mi-a placut a fost faptul ca polonezii au pastrat arhitectura centrului vechi si mai mult decit atit au restaurat majoritatea cladirilor aducindu-le intr-o stare aproape de cea in care erau cind au fost construite. Multumita acestui lucru orasul pare ca a calatorit prin istorie din perioada lui de glorie din timpul Ligii Hanseatice pina in prezent pentru a ne delecta cu aerul lui medieval.

          Dupa atitea lucruri care mi-au placut trebuie sa fie si unul care nu mi-a placut. Localnicii nu prea spre deloc vorbesc limba lui Shakespeare si atunci o conversatie cu acestia in engleza sau alte limbi de circulatie internationala cum ar fi  franceza sau germana are mari sanse de esec.

          In ceea ce priveste posibilitatea de a ajunge in aceste locuri, orasul este destul de usor de ajuns la el. Beneficiaza de port, aeroport, gara si sosele. In perioada cind am fost eu se lucra si la constructia unei autostrazi, dar din pacate in acest moment nu va pot da mai multe informatii. Preturile la cazare variaza in functie de dorintele fiecaruia. Exista posibilitatea de a sta intr-o pensiune sau intr-un hotel de 4*, oferta de cazare fiind destul de variata. Mincarea este si ea destul de accesibila si in general gustoasa.

          Acestea fiind spuse va las in compania unor poze si va recomand sa vizitati orasul daca aveti posibilitatea.

ENGLISH

In August 2012 on my way back from Sweden I thought to make a stop for half a day at Gdansk in Poland. My thought was that the transition from norther civilization to my native lands will not be quite so suddenly . Later when arriving in town I found that the idea was quite good .

A little bit of history does not hurt so : Gdansk is a city in northern Poland, Pomerania residence and one of the largest ports in the country. Urban part of Gdańsk and Tricity. From ethnographic , is considered the capital of Caşubiei. The town lies on the southern coast of the Gulf of Gdańsk, part of the Baltic Sea, on the river estuaries of the rivers Vistula and its delta, Motława and Leniwka and forms a conurbation with the municipality Sopot and Gdynia and suburban municipalities. The city was first mentioned in history in the year 997. Also the  town is known for the political movement " Solidarity" , which under the leadership of one of the city's residents, Lech Wałęsa, was one of the causes of the fall of communism in Central and Eastern Europe in 1989.

That all about history, let s get back to bussines. I arrived in Gdansk around 13.00 when the ferry docked in port. We had a beautiful day up to that point . The accommodation problem was solved relatively quickly before leaving Stockholm I set the GPS with several hotels address in which I could have stayed. At the first one I wasent t lucky, because no one was at the reception, but the second one wass perfect. We got the apartment for the price of a regular double room. The only problem was that the lock on the door worked a little difficult, which is why the price was a bit low.

After setling in and I ate something I went into the center of town. I must say that I liked what I saw. A small and coyz town that place it s history on a very high place of importance and where the communism did not doo too much damage . First of all I was impressed by the cleanliness of the streets, even in the midle of the celebration of the city day, the streets were short on cigaretts butts or regular paper wraping., plastic bags and other things like that. Another thing I liked was that the Poles preserved the old town architecture and more than that most of the buildings were restored and bringing them into a state close to that in which they were when they were built. Thanks to this, the town seems to have traveled through history from his gloriuos days during the Hanseatic League until now to delight us with its medieval air .

After so many things that I liked there must be one thatI don t. The locals do not speak at all the language of Shakespeare and a conversation with them in English or other foreign languages ​​such as French or German is more likely to fail.

Regarding the ability to reach the city,  is quite easy to get there. It benefits from port, airport , railway and roads . During the period when I was there a  highway was under construction , but unfortunately at this moment I can not give more information. Accommodation prices vary depending on the desires of everyone . It is possible to stay in a hostel or a 4* hotel  accommodation offer is quite varied. The food is also quite accessible and generally tasty.

That being said I will leave in the company of pictures and will recommend to visit the city if you can .